With Valentines Day right around the corner I've been thinking about somethings related to people and dating that have brought me back to this blog.
Dealing with people can sometimes be hard for others but it is especially hard for some within the gay community. Thought processes get overridden by emotions and pretty soon all rational thought can go out the window when you are speaking with someone, are on a date or even just going about your day. Here's some things to you can do to get more perspective so you can bring yourself back to reality.
1. Stop Over Analyzing Everything
People love to draw quick, judgmental conclusions about other people. In psychology these conclusions are called heuristics. People will use the easiest path that involves the least amount of thought processing and especially rational thinking.
Did that guy look at you because he's likes you?
Is that gesture of kindness something deeper?
And of course is he gay?
That guy could be looking at you for a hundred or thousand different reasons, maybe they aren't even looking at you at all. Maybe they're looking at someone else.
That gesture of kindness could be just that- a gesture of kindness.
Are they gay? I don't know and neither do you so don't make any unrealistic assumptions or expect too much until you know the facts. Although, I hear some of my readers saying "you can just tell because some guys just looks gay." You can find more on the gay look here and I'll cover it in more depth later
That may be true to a slight degree, especially when you're looking at their face or eyes (more on that later also) but beyond that you can't really tell someone's sexuality by just looking at them- especially if you don't even know them.
You'll have a better chance finding gay guys online at dlist.com or where realistic opportunities exist, where you don't have to play guessing games- and dodge fists because some guy thinks you're looking to start a fight.
If you're on a date, go with the flow and turn off the critical thoughts and over analyzing. This will greatly inhibit your ability to listen to what your date is saying during your conversation.
2. People are mostly concerned with themselves than others
Coming out is a personal choice and it should be done on your own terms but if you are constantly paranoid or worried people will know or somehow find your your gay or bisexual then take comfort in the fact that most people are more concerned with who they are sleeping with than who you're sleeping with.
People are conceited by nature and go about their daily life thinking about themselves and their life. This isn't a bad thing and doesn't mean that they don't care about others or are mean but are busy with their own lives. Don't be too worried about being "gay acting" or "straight acting", just act like yourself. This is especially true in large cities.
Besides, it's the 21st century and many people close to you or who have known you can for awhile can tell (family and friends specifically) The least of someone's worries is what your sexuality is and if it is they need help. People who have problems with others really have a problem with themselves.
3. People are not good at memorizing things and people
This goes along with the rule above but people are bad at remembering people, events and things that they have encountered in just a day. At the end of the day they can't remember every single thing that has happened or every person they've seen on the street. (I sure cant', only a fraction of the day is retained in my head when I come home.)
Today people are boarded with visual and auditory stimuli- especially in large cities. So don't be so self conscious in public about checking out guys (just do it in a respectful manner, don't give the hookup look on the street) or being worried about what other people think of you- they probably aren't thinking of you and won't remember you ten minutes from now.
4. You're not the only lonely person on the planet
When we feel the most along we aren't. There are so many lonely people out there in the world it astounding. There are also so many great lonely gay guys out there it's almost sad- but presents a good opportunity if you're single and looking. You're not the only lonely one and there's no reason you should be lonely.
We'll have the next part of understanding others later.