Friday, September 10, 2010

Body Language 101: Part One

Body language is a key skill to learn, especially when it comes to gay dating. Most of human communication is done through body language. So it's good to know what to look for and when to look for it so you can gauge a guy you're attracted to easier and even get a little insight into what he's thinking of you. Here's the psychology behind body language that will give you the edge when it comes to the dating scene and flirting.

1. Eye Flirting

This is a big body language secret. There are several eye flirting methods. It's all (or mostly) in the eyes. Direct eye contact during a conversation is a good flirting sign as it means the person is paying attention to you, their thoughts and focus are on you and what you're saying.

The other method is one I like to call "eye tag". This usually happens at a distance with shy guys. The other guy will give you a couple of quick looks when (he thinks) you're not looking. When you sense him looking and you look his way his eyes will quickly dart away. Though, this game of eye tag should get longer looks when you figure out you're interested in each other. Be careful though, after a while of this one of you need to approach each other and get to know each other.

The third method is the eyebrow flash. This is a micro expression that you've probably seen many times before. The "flash" is a quick eyebrow raise from a distance to get your attention or initiate conversation. It's also used as a greeting, a non verbal "hi", or to confirm to you he's really looking at you.

Then there's smiling and looking down after a bit of eye flirting. This is a universal sign of attraction.

Finally there's "the look." This is different from any other look any guy will give you. You'll know it when you see it.

2. Mirroring Body Language 

When somebody likes you- and you like them- they are going to mirror your body language subconsciously. What happens in mirroring is the other person will mimic or copy your body language and movements.

After a while if your lean forward during a conversation they will to. If you touch your face they will also. This mirroring is a subconscious way of establishing a bond between you and the other person your with. BBC's The Human Mind has a great segment on mirroring below:

3. Preening

When someone likes you they will usually preen themselves when you look their way, (brush their hair with their hands, adjust their clothes, touch their face, etc) in order to make themselves look better for you. This is done subconsciously and consciously as they want to appear more attractive to you. Classic mate attraction body language and a giveaway if you're looking for it.

All of these body language signals are used in conjunction with each other when you're talking with a guy who is really interested in you. If he doesn't display these signals together he may be nervous and you need to pay attention to what he's saying to you.

Our subconscious has a way of letting others know we like them and are attracted to them- verbally and non-verbally. It's our basic instincts after all, so listen to his wording and keep your ears open for any Freudian Slips.