Finding Myself

Quick Kick in the Pant's Guide to Finding Your Boyfriend in 2012

2011-12-31T15:47:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of New Years and planning for the future I have a post about how you can meet your boyfriend you've been seeking - this year.

Below is a great post I came across at one of the forums that I frequently visit with a list of guidelines not only going out there and finding the guy who's searching for you but also how to get your life in shape, written in a kick in the pants tone. I've included some notes in parenthesize.

"Firstly, I've been in a relationship for 30 years now.

My first relationship didn't come along until I was 21. (This guy is a bit ahead of a lot of guys who don't haven't even come out at 30 yet)

That did not stop me from having fun and working hard at finding the right guy. I hate to say it again, but a lot of the young (gay/bi guys) these days seem to think that a relationship is something on FacepageTwitterBook. It isn't. Many seem to think that a bf will fall from the sky into their lap. He won't. (Very true statement but online dating has it's meritts and is good to cast the widest net to use alongside offline dating)

A lot of people think a relationship or having a bf is all about cuddling and hugging. If that is what you want, then I suggest getting a dog. In my case, I had no hesitation moving right to sex once there was a real connection. With both of my LTR's we ripped the sheets up the first date and our passion for each other and our sexual compatibility solidified the relationship.

(While different people have different rules about hooking up please note he isn't referring to hooking up- it's the how many dates should you go on before having sex rule he's referring to. Do what feel's best for you if there's chemistry. Seems like counter intutive advice for building a long term relationship but a lot of people have gotten in great long term relationships where there was mutual attraction and they didn't wait)

If you are chronically depressed and in need of counselling, seek this out. And I will repeat the rest of this for you only one more time. A lot of it is the same as Palbert wrote so pay attention to us because we're older, with a lot of direct experience and seeing what friends have gone through as well.

1. Shut your computer off at 10pm. Get sleep. Otherwise, you are creating the garden where depression and anxiety flourish best.

2. Go outside. Get fresh air.

3. Meet people in coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants and social groups.

4. Join something positive. Like a study group or a group that shares some of your interests.

5. Volunteer for something. Make someone else's life better.

6. Give yourself a makeover and pay attention to your grooming and weight. And posture.

7. Get more exercise. Go to a gym. Go running.

8. Give up all the junk food and msg/hfcs garbage that is messing with your metabolism and probably contributing to your emotional crashes.

9. Read more books and become a more interested and interesting person.

10. Get over the jealousy thing right now. It isn't becoming. Just because others have found happiness isn't a reason to spend your time just being bitter and resentful of others.

If you think you are a bit broken, then use the upcoming year to set yourself right...

But do not waste your life looking for pity and attention because you are either too lazy or unwilling to jump out there and really live.

There is only a limited supply of sympathy for anyone who complains about their life but doesn't do anything to improve themselves or take some chances in finding love."

There you have it, a kick in the pants, introspective guide to getting a boyfriend in 2012. Happy New Year all!

It's Time Ad

2011-12-30T16:25:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update to pass along a moving and heartfelt advertisement for marriage equality.

I'm From Driftwood- Stories of LGBT Individuals and Couples

2011-11-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

I just stumbled across a great channel on YouTube that I'd like to share with my reader's: http://www.youtube.com/user/ImFromDriftwood (and also, imfromdriftwood.com)

More next time.

Famous Gays Thorughout History

2011-09-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

Gay's have been around since the dawn of man, perhaps even before then. I came across a list that sparked my curiosity, a list consisting of famous gay throughout history going all the way back to ancient Greek times

While many of the famous people on this list's sexuality cannot be verified it's still an interesting and very comprehensive lists of famous individuals most of whom may have been gay or bi (can't leave out the bi's)

Famous gay men throughout history

Under the Pink Carpet: List of 230 Openly Gay Actors

2011-07-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

IMDB has complied a great list of nearly 230 openly gay actors which is worth a look, just to see if some of your favorites are on the list.

It's Here! Gay Dating Blueprint Finally Available

2011-07-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

Finally the Gay Dating Blueprint has been launched!

This dating guide is for anyone who wants to go on their first gay date- but hasn't yet. If your dating confidence is lacking than not knowing what to say or do lowers your confidence and the lack of confidence stops you from even trying to date. But what if you knew how to approach guys you're interested in? What if you knew what to say? And what to do on the actual date?

The Blueprint Lays it Out for You
This step-by-step gay dating guide will show you the way. You need something that will show you how to get rid of that critical, negative thinking going on inside your head, how to improve your social skills and actually approach guys the "right" way.

Part One: Correct Your Dating Mindset

Uncover the psychological barriers to a happy and successful dating life, discover some practical aspects of human nature that put your situation into perspective, get you over your fear of rejection, get rid of that negative voice inside your head, and bust common gay dating myths.

Part Two: Improve Your Social Skills

See how to talk to almost any guy, become a body language expert, go inside a guys head to figure out what he want's (beside the obvious), understand the basics of men and the social dynamics in a dating context, learn multiple ways of meeting guys- online or off and see how to talk to guys that catch your eye- even if you're not out of the closet yet. Most important learn how to approach good looking guys the right way.

Part Three: The Actual Date

See 5 ways to get over nervousness and pre-date jitters right before the first date, how to make a shy guy feel more at ease on a date, how to improve your confidence before a date, and how to bring up the subject of sex for when you're both ready to take that step, plus links to more great advice, tips, videos and articles and links to helpful forum threads.

Donate any amount greater than $1 and Get the Gay Dating Blueprint

My Gay Dating Guide is Coming Soon

2011-07-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

EDIT: The Gay Dating Guide has been released. Get it HERE now

I have finally finished writing my gay dating guide, called the Gay Dating Blueprint. After a bit of delay it is officially done and will be launched tomorrow! I've been getting emails asking when it would be available; now it is.

One reason I wrote the guide is because there weren't that many guides geared toward my generation of gay guys. Many guides are outdated or geared toward older guys. I wanted to find one with a fresh perspective, without all the cliches or stereotypes that would just give me practical, proactive gay dating advice.

So I wrote my own for myself initially but decided to share it with my readers. It will be up for download so be on the lookout for it.

I Love NY Pride Edition

2011-06-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

Just across theses shirts over at Cafe Press celebrating pride (and possibly the passing of the gay marriage legislation in NY) Nice take on an iconic image. Link

New York Marriage Equality Bill Passes!

2011-06-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

From the NY Times:
"Lawmakers voted late Friday to legalize same-sex marriage, making New York the largest state where gay and lesbian couples will be able to wed and giving the national gay-rights movement new momentum from the state where it was born.
The marriage bill, whose fate was uncertain until moments before the vote, was approved 33 to 29 in a packed but hushed Senate chamber. Four members of the Republican majority joined all but one Democrat in the Senate in supporting the measure after an intense and emotional campaign aimed at the handful of lawmakers wrestling with a decision that divided their friends, their constituents and sometimes their own homes.

With his position still undeclared, Senator Mark J. Grisanti, a Republican from Buffalo who had sought office promising to oppose same-sex marriage, told his colleagues he had agonized for months before concluding he had been wrong.

“I apologize for those who feel offended,” Mr. Grisanti said, adding, “I cannot deny a person, a human being, a taxpayer, a worker, the people of my district and across this state, the State of New York, and those people who make this the great state that it is the same rights that I have with my wife.”

Senate approval was the final hurdle for the same-sex marriage legislation, which was approved last week by the Assembly. Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo signed the measure at 11:55 p.m., and the law will go into effect in 30 days, meaning that same-sex couples could begin marrying in New York by late July."

The gay marriage bill has finally passed the state senate. The religious right wing lunatics like that NOM have finally met their waterloo which was long overdue. This could greatly help the momentum in the marriage equality movement throughout the country.

It is a great day to be a New Yorker, gay or straight. More next time.

Gay Dating Guide Coming Soon

2011-06-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

Just a quick announcement, I'm creating a gay dating guide which should be ready by the end of this week. I've noticed a lack of down to earth dating guides that give step by step advice for gay men who are new to dating. And one that actually covers the dating process, not just hookups (that's fine if that's your thing but some guys want to actually date)

There's plenty of guides out there for straight people but not many good ones for us. This guide is for us, by us.

Be on the lookout for that.

Advice for the Shy Guy

2011-06-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

I came across a quote that perfectly sums up approaching guys.

"Meeting gay guys in your private life can be scary. It’s more vulnerable to be seen as you, not your job title. It’s not easy to put yourself out there. Outside of business, men have a lot of social barriers to break through to meet each other. Gay men have the help of strong attraction to assist them, but it can still be hard for us to break the ice. Approaching other gay men involves intense emotions, including anxiety and a sense of vulnerability." -Angelo Pezzote

Where Do You Meet Guys?

2011-06-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

Coming Out Video

2011-06-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

More promotion of my favorite gay Youtuber's. This time a great coming out story from Iamonlychasingchange:

Happy Naked Gay Boy Blog Video!

2011-06-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if my reader's are familiar with Erik (straightactinggaguy) from YouTube but I'm a fan of his videos. Ok, I'll admit it I've also had a bit of a crush on him for some time (can you blame me? :) If you haven't already, check out his YouTube channel. It's definitely worth a watch or two.

Also, I haven't been posting as much as I'd like because I'm in the process of writing my gay dating ebook. There's a real lack of a good ebook that shows today's generation of gay abd bi guys the process of dating. It's about time. Be on the lookout for that in the near future.

More next time.

Gay Marriage Tipping Point

2011-05-09T12:58:00.000-07:00

The debate over gay marriage won't be a debate in a couple of more years and for the first time this year more people than ever support gay marriage. According to Think Progress the amount of those who support gay marriage is increasing while the number of those who oppose it are declining.

It will be interesting to see how it plays out in the upcoming elections and what each candidate has to say about the right to marry.

More next time.

Best Looking Guys in Silicon Valley

2011-04-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today I have a post with a unique list of the top hot guys we're not all too familiar with (or many of us anyway).

We are all familiar with the tech nerds and moguls of Silicon Valley who come to mind; Sergey and Larry, Bill and Steve. But there's some really hot or at least cute startup CEO's who are easy on the eyes and are this generation's equivalent to Steve and Bill.

Plus, hot geeky types are very in demand I've heard because beauty and brains make the perfect combo.

Here's my list the top good looking guys in Silicon Valley, all will not agree but I think we can all agree on number one:

1. Peter Cashmore

No he's not a model, although he probably was one to get through the startup phase. Pete blows all the other good looking tech guys out of the water.

First of all he's incredibly handsome (scratch that he's hot) and he even has "cash" in his last name- combined with "more". This Mashable CEO is very well... mashable. Business and pleasure don't mix but we think it just might with him. I like to think of him as Silicon's Valley's James Bond, cool tech gadgets, nice cars and a British accent too. A definite keeper.

2. Tim Ferris

Author, tech startup CEO, diet guru and all around Mr. Do Everything comes in at number two.

Love him or hate him- he's cute. You gotta admit that. He tends to polarize people based on his first book, The 4 Hour Work Week.

But there's something about that smirky smile that makes you think if you saw him in a bar "This guy's might be a jerk but he's too dang cute to pass up and I know he know's how to say all the right things."

He hooked me with his look and his book.

3. Kevin Rose

You may know a little site Kevin created a couple of years ago called Digg. He nails the geek chic look perfectly.

Though, I still can't decide if he looks better with shaggy hair or his new shaven look, he's cute either way.

4. Matthew Inman

Theoatmeal.com is a wonderfully snarky website that also has a wonderfully good looking creator. He's the type of guy who is cynical yet charming enough to win you over because much of his cynical observations are true and funny.

Did I mention he's pretty dang cute too?

5. Mark Zukerburg

Mark Zuckerburg? The evil genius who want's to steal everyone's "private" information?

Yes, I said it. Yes, the Mark Zukerburg, the founder of Facebook and the Bill Gates of our generation, is kind of on the cute side. No I'm not drunk.

He's grown on me and whatever you think of him, I think he's kind of cute in a certain geeky way. I think he looks better in person than in most photographs but there are some pretty good photos of him (like the one posted) that make you stop and go "hmmm.. you know what, he is kind of cute."

Agree or disagree let me know what you think.

The Adonis Factor

2011-04-14T22:29:00.000-07:00

I came across an interesting film at a forum I frequent about that deals with body image in the gay community. It's a telling look into the psyche of buff guys or guys who want to mold their bodies into their "perfect" body.

I almost didn't watch the whole thing because I got really turned off by the men in the first 5 minutes of but if you're able to get past that you'll be able to tell what they're really saying.

You can view the whole documentary below after the jump:

Gay Video & Lesbian Movies - Logo: Fierce TV

Studying the Gay Stereotypes

2011-04-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

OKCupid conducted a great study last year that I kept forgetting to make a post about. They wanted to test if some of the stereotypes hold water about the GLBT community or if they're just that- stereotypes.

The took data samples from the their 3.2 million users and crunched the numbers some of what they found was surprising, some was not so surprising.

The first thing they tested was the myth that gay guys are chasing after straight guys and are absolutely obsessed with them.

"We combed through over 4 million match searches, and found virtually no evidence of it:

Match Search Returns

only 0.6% of gay men have ever searched for straight matches.
only 0.1% of lesbians have ever searched for straight matches.
only 0.13% of straight people's profile visitors are gay."

Despite what you read on forums, blogs and especially Craigslist gay guys aren't after straight guys. (I'm not going to get in the whole straight acting debate as that's a whole other post and a pandora's box.)

Then they tested out if gay men are more promiscuous than straight men. There's a lot of people who believe just because people are gay means they hookup more than polar opposite sexualities. Here's what OK Cupid found after combing through 4 million profiles where users reported the number of sex partners:

Median Reported Sex Partners

straight men: 6
gay men: 6
straight women: 6
gay women: 6

Even though the medians are all suspiciously 6 I believe gay men aren't any more promiscuous than straights. Humans- gay or straight- who are sexually active are going to have numerous sex partners. But the majority of people (gay or straight) are not going to be indiscriminately having sex with just anybody else. Being sexually active and being promiscuous are two different things.

Here's a graph of the above data:

Here's some surprising and interesting data. OK Cupid looked at same sex experience and attraction in self identified straight people to double check for bisexual/ curious leanings. Here's what they found for men: "As for straight men, a surprisingly high 13% have had a same-sex experience, and another 5% haven't yet but would like to."

13% may not seem high but there are hundreds of millions of men in this nation (around 150 million currenlty) and when you take 13% of them you get nearly 20 million. That's a huge number- almost the size of the NYC metro population in fact.

As for women, well the graph speaks for itself:

Then, they looked at some really interesting data- where are all these curious guys in the country? They took the location in the profiles from these guys and gals and created a curious heat map of the US and Canada and here's what they found:

The geography of the bisexual/ curious guys is very interesting and surprising. First of all Canada is where they all are apparently but look at the Northwest. Washington state is the most curious/ bi state in America and it's not just because of all the open minded younger people in Seattle either- they're all over the state. And finally the Northeast which is not that surprising.

What is even more interesting is looking at the metro areas. San Francisco is obvious but the other cities aren't what you'd think. Madison, St.Louis, Austin, Phoenix, Las Vegas (what happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas), Pittsburgh, Salt Lake City, Kansas City, Columbus and Minneapolis. A large group of the cities are in the Midwest and plain states.

You'd think New York and Miami would be bright red but apparently not according to the findings of the team at OK Cupid. It's interesting to think why this is. Possible because there's a large out GLBT population in New York and other major gay meccas so it's easier to be out and have outlets to explore your curiosity/ bisexuality. Maybe it's the presence of colleges there, a lot of curious/bi guys in college and the number of open minded guys on college campuses is increasing.

Interesting data nonetheless.

Despite what the south reported I'm sure there's more repressed curiosity going on down there than they're letting on, especially in Mississippi and Alabama.

The Photgraphy of Bruce Weber

2011-04-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

Bruce Weber, better known as Abercrombie and Fitch's rock star photographer, has some great images that celebrate the male form in an artful, tasteful and sensual way.

I actually, don't think there's enough of this type of imagery in advertising that focuses on men because there's so much image (sexualization) of female models in ads and they are the main focal point in ads and America in general is less comfortable with bare skin in advertising than other countries, specifically Europe.

Whatever you think of the A&F brand here's some of my favorite Bruce Weber images:

Lot of Weber's images remind me of summer so this one is only fitting.

Weber himself is gay and that's why I think the A&F brand has become so popular with the GB community because these images tap right into our desires and play to our psyche. More on that later.

Leaning Towards the Davey Wavey Fan Club

2011-04-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered Davey Wavey on YouTube after looking up videos of how to add muscle mass (I know, I'm behind everyone else) and after going to his site I gotta say- he's a super cutie who's a clever online entrepreneur.

Now, I know a lot of people either love him or hate him (for the stupid reason of him being "stereotypical") but I kind of like him. He knows how to market his stuff and get himself out there. The no shirt videos grab your attention, and then you how good looking he is. But then you hear his message that he's telling you and think "this guy is smarter than he's letting on."

I'm more interested not in how to get six pack abs or what he did today but him as a person, even though his blog has some good insightful posts and he's managed to turn his site into a successful entrepreneurial brand. (Am I developing have a crush on him also?)

But reading how to tone up wouldn't hurt since I'm a skinny guy and would like to add a bit more muscle mass.

Love him or hate him I get the feeling he's a genuinely nice guy who's pretty dang sharp- and cute too. :)

Don't Be Afraid to Ask Someone Out

2011-01-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

I came across a great post and thought I'd share it with my readers here. This is a great post of how something you're looking for can be right in front of you.

"So here's my story I knew a friend of mine that I had known for a long time eventually over the years our friendship turned into sexual attraction and we even dated once but unfortunately at the time I was leaving for a work contract in Dubai/Milan.

It really stunk because I had an amazing time! After a year I had returned and he'd moved to Toronto as well from London and while we both were busy settling down again we dint really date and soon enough started seeing other people

I kept bumping into him at random places and we always had a good time but dint think that either of us were interested more than friends.. this was until I kept thinking of the good times in my dreams subconsciously over long periods of time and i have no idea why.

finally it hit me I was starting to have regrets and was getting frustrated, so one morning I decided to take charge of my life and i directly went to him and asked him why the hell dint he ever date me again ever since I returned.. and that's when i found out he thought I wasn't interested in him and was flattered that i even thought of him and that he had thoughts about me too.. ugh why are guys so clueless sometimes!

I just dint want to have regrets so I thought going out of the way and embarrassing myself for a day was a better deal than regretting it all my life

so yeah I'm soooo glad I asked him out, feels a great load of my chest, it doesn't mean I have a great potential new boyfriend or anything because we're probably going to take it one step at a time and see how it goes but it sure does feel great knowing if i never asked out I'd be missing a lot in my life!"

The opportunities you don't take are the one's you regret the most. More next time.

YouTuber's to Follow

2011-01-10T14:17:00.000-08:00

There are a bunch of great gay You Tube channels out there but there are two You Tuber's who (at least in my opinion) give out some great advice for the younger gay generation. Couver87 and Straightactinggayguy are two guy who's content I follow and respect. You can find a same of their videos below:

http://www.youtube.com/user/Couver87

http://www.youtube.com/user/StraightActingGayGuy

There are also these great YouTuber's to follow:

http://www.youtube.com/depfox

www.youtube.com/ExplorationB

www.youtube.com/big93scott

www.youtube.com/DrunkenLullaby52

www.youtube.com/nikdynamic

http://www.youtube.com/RolyunGashaa

www.youtube.com/xypowerpop

Have a great YouTube channel that you think that can help other gay and bi guys? Post it below in the comments section.

Overcoming Loneliness

2010-12-30T12:07:00.000-08:00

Everyone feels lonely from time to but for gay men (especially closeted gay men) this feeling of loneliness can be magnified by the fact that we think we feel there's no one else like us or understands us- which is a great misconception as there are many great gay men like us. We just have to find them. Here's some great simple advice from the coming out section of Justusboys.com that can help begin to overcome loneliness:

"We've all been there ( or many guys anyway).

You're shy and not confident about making friends....

Why do people at school think you're a weirdo?

Now here's something really simple and really economical to do. Start doing this and you are going to see a big difference in your life.

Start smiling and saying hello to everyone you run into.

This is so easy. Every person you have in class. Your teachers. Bus drivers. Everyone. Everyday. Even when you might not think you're in the mood.

Ask people how they are that day. And smile at them.

Ask people you'd like to get to know for easy things.

A lot of young kids set themselves up as non-conformists or weird as a defense mechanism...and then find it apparently had the desired effect to the detriment of their social life.

So. Normalize some. Meet people halfway. Try to show some real interest and enthusiasm for the things they like while trying to expose them to new ideas and experiences too.

Get out and volunteer to help some organization. Seriously. Learn to live beyond the boundaries of your own ego."

It might seem cheesy but it's true smiling or being more receptive to people can really make a world of difference.

More great advice on combating loneliness over at succeedsocially.com. There are a ton of other great lonely gay guys looking for someone just like you- you just have to find them and meet them halfway.

More next time.

DADT Repealed

2010-12-18T15:27:00.000-08:00

Finally after 17 years of an unnecessary, homophobic policy and after much childish excuse making Don't Ask Don't Tell has finally been repealed. While this is a step in the right direction for this nation in terms of human rights we still have to play catch up with more progressive countries.

More from Reuters News

Evolution of Sexuality

2010-11-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

Is sexuality evolving or is the GLBT community gaining more acceptance?

It's actually a little of both.

Most notably acceptance is quickly being gained by younger generations, specifically gen x and gen y. The number of high school students identifying as gay or bisexual is increasing and has been increasing over the years. There has been a complete paradigm shift in attitudes with this age group and it doesn't have to do with rebellion or trying not to be their parents. It has to do with the fact that many know it's natural and can see right though homophobia.

In addition it's not "cool" to be homophobic because it's signals closed minded and uneducated it and announces your insecurity of differences.

During the late 1990's 9% of high school students identify as "gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning according to one study. Source

Last month a study came out revealing nearly 10% of New York City high school students have had a partner of the same sex. That's hundreds of thousand of people. The percentages are also similar for college students and might even be a little higher than that. These numbers reported people who filled out the survey and admitted it openly (out of the closet). If the percentage of closeted gay and bi teens had been factored it would be higher.

Across pond these figures are higher. In Europe homophobia still exists but in small doses these days and sexuality- gay, bi or straight- is regarded as normal. One study last month studied sexuality with British high school students and the results surprised me a bit: same sex kissing is common with teen and college males. From the study:

"Based on in-depth interviews of 145 British university and high-school students, Anderson and his colleagues discovered that 89 percent had kissed a male heterosexual friend on the lips at some point. A total of 37 percent had engaged in "sustained" kissing with another man, Anderson said."

Maybe it's experimenting or maybe it's just a fun game of "gay chicken"...?

Or maybe it's something else.

One thing about European youth and other nations is they don't like labels defining their sexuality, they understand humans are sexual beings. America is slowly catching onto this fact with more and more people coming out as gay or bi at younger ages. Most people know that sexuality isn't black or white but a lot of them don't talk about it- until now.

Is sexuality evolving? Is it becoming more accepted?

It's a bit of both. And it will continue to evolve.

One of the Best It Gets Better Videos

2010-10-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

This is one of the best "It Get's Better" Videos I have seen so far. Councilman Joel Burns comes out during a city council meeting in Texas joining the ranks of people spreading the positive message to GLBT teenagers.

I have been touched by many of the It Get's Better videos but this one touched me and gives me hope about social justice for the GLBT community.

Coming Out- One Year Later

2010-10-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

I came across a great post on a popular forum for gay and bi guys and thought I share it with my readers who are thinking of coming out or have recently come out themselves:

This time last year was the time of the biggest upheaval I have had in my life. It dawned on me I have just had my 1 year anniversary so I thought I would post as a follow up to my thread from this time last year. (see this link coming out thread)

13 months ago I was a bored, lonely guy who genuinely believed would be alone for the rest of my life and never know what it would be like to have a special someone to love be loved.

13 months later how things have changed.

It all changed because I finally accepted that I deserved more than the lonely closeted existence I had created for my self. I finally decided to do something about things that were holding me back in life and preventing me from being happy.

The first thing was obvious ....... come out.

I had blogged on here my story and I received a lot of support during that time. I have removed the blogs now but my thanks remain for all the guys here who supported me at a time when I needed it most.

I will sum up and say that 13 months on, I now enjoy a relationship with a very beautiful man who means the world to me. We have been together for almost 6months and I have never been happier. I did have to kiss a few frogs to find my prince, but it is all part of the process that led me to him and I am thankful for that.

Just over 12 months ago I came out to my family and then over the next few months my friends and coworkers. Now I am a proud out gay man. My parents did not disown me, my friends did not disown me when I told them. Everyone has accepted me for who I am, and frankly my sexuality means little to them. It was I who had issues relating to my sexuality not them. But once I accepted that and finally did something about it, things changed for the better.

Soon I will introduce my partner to my family for the first time and that is something I am nervous about, but also excited. I previously could only ever dream I would introduce my "boyfriend" to my family, now it is a reality about to happen.

I guess the point to all this is, if you believe you do not deserve to be happy, YOU ARE WRONG. Everyone deserves to be happy. DO NOT prevent yourself from being who you are by worrying about what others may think. YOU matter. YOU are important. YOUR happiness is important.

Be YOU.

Be HAPPY.

Be FREE.

More next time.

Celebrities Address Gay Suicide Epidemic

2010-10-03T15:57:00.000-07:00

There have been 10 gay suicides last month and celebrities are doing their part to reduce future numbers. Ellen has produce an independent video making an emotional plea for gay teens contemplating suicide to seek help.

The It Gets Better Project has been launched which shows the GLBT community can lead rewarding, happy lives and gives hope to young gay individuals.

Stand up to homophobia, gay bullying is a hate crime and a national tragedy. More next time.

Tipping Point for Gay Marriage

2010-10-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

A story today from Yahoo News about a national poll shows 50% of the country is now in support of gay marriage. The poll Yahoo has conducted of their own users show a bit higher results of 62% currently in favor of it. Are we at tipping point in America in terms of support for gay marriage and attitudes about the GLBT community?

In terms of support from the general public I think yes. As the younger generations have influenced social and political change and are voicing their opinions about the right to marry. It's a well known fact that if you're not not somewhat open minded about these things and you're in high school or especially college you not going to make friends easily.

It also isn't with younger teenagers and college students but also older generations who may wonder if their kids are bisexual or gay. Would they take rights away from their own children or deny them the right to get married? Probably not and living with the cognitive dissonance of denying basic rights for your children yet wanting them to live a happy meaningful life lead to acceptance eventually

Slowly but surely. More next time.

Body Language 101: Part One

2010-09-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

Body language is a key skill to learn, especially when it comes to gay dating. Most of human communication is done through body language. So it's good to know what to look for and when to look for it so you can gauge a guy you're attracted to easier and even get a little insight into what he's thinking of you. Here's the psychology behind body language that will give you the edge when it comes to the dating scene and flirting.

1. Eye Flirting

This is a big body language secret. There are several eye flirting methods. It's all (or mostly) in the eyes. Direct eye contact during a conversation is a good flirting sign as it means the person is paying attention to you, their thoughts and focus are on you and what you're saying.

The other method is one I like to call "eye tag". This usually happens at a distance with shy guys. The other guy will give you a couple of quick looks when (he thinks) you're not looking. When you sense him looking and you look his way his eyes will quickly dart away. Though, this game of eye tag should get longer looks when you figure out you're interested in each other. Be careful though, after a while of this one of you need to approach each other and get to know each other.

The third method is the eyebrow flash. This is a micro expression that you've probably seen many times before. The "flash" is a quick eyebrow raise from a distance to get your attention or initiate conversation. It's also used as a greeting, a non verbal "hi", or to confirm to you he's really looking at you.

Then there's smiling and looking down after a bit of eye flirting. This is a universal sign of attraction.

Finally there's "the look." This is different from any other look any guy will give you. You'll know it when you see it.

2. Mirroring Body Language

When somebody likes you- and you like them- they are going to mirror your body language subconsciously. What happens in mirroring is the other person will mimic or copy your body language and movements.

After a while if your lean forward during a conversation they will to. If you touch your face they will also. This mirroring is a subconscious way of establishing a bond between you and the other person your with. BBC's The Human Mind has a great segment on mirroring below:

3. Preening

When someone likes you they will usually preen themselves when you look their way, (brush their hair with their hands, adjust their clothes, touch their face, etc) in order to make themselves look better for you. This is done subconsciously and consciously as they want to appear more attractive to you. Classic mate attraction body language and a giveaway if you're looking for it.

All of these body language signals are used in conjunction with each other when you're talking with a guy who is really interested in you. If he doesn't display these signals together he may be nervous and you need to pay attention to what he's saying to you.

Our subconscious has a way of letting others know we like them and are attracted to them- verbally and non-verbally. It's our basic instincts after all, so listen to his wording and keep your ears open for any Freudian Slips.

Federal Judge Rules DADT Unconstitutional

2010-09-09T23:13:00.000-07:00

From the LA Times,

"A federal judge in Riverside [California] declared the U.S. military’s ban on openly gay service members unconstitutional Thursday, saying the “don't ask, don't tell” policy violates the 1st Amendment rights of lesbians and gay men.

U.S. District Court Judge Virginia A. Phillips said the policy banning gays did not preserve military readiness, contrary to what many supporters have argued, saying evidence shows that the policy in fact had a “direct and deleterious effect’’ on the military.

Phillips said she would issue an injunction barring the government from enforcing the policy."

One more step toward equality.

Approaching Guys and Starting Conversation

2010-09-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is something a lot of guys are working or need to work on whether or not they consider themselves shy. It can be sometimes hard to approach a guy you're interested in as the fear of rejection almost seems to override any possibility of a positive outcome.

But when you think about it rationality, instead coming from a fear based mindset, you realize four possible outcomes can happen when you approach him. All of them have positive outcomes in their own ways:

1. He's a nice person and you get to chatting up with him and he's friendly and receptive of you. This eventually leads up to the first date

2. You approach him and while he seems like a nice guy he's not a good fit for you. You walk away from the experience with a smile because you know you over came/ are over coming your fear of rejection. It only gets easier from here.

3. You chat and hang out. Before you know it you have a new friend! Maybe not a boyfriend but at least a new friend. If you think you have poor social skills you can practice them with him.

4. He ignores you or blows you off for whatever reason. While that was bad and a blow to your self confidence you can now sleep well knowing ahead of time that he's a jerk. You've dodged a bullet of developing a toxic relationship with this person.

The above outcomes would happen in places which I like to call "social spaces" (bars, clubs, basically, cafes, small classes, organizations. Basically anywhere that fosters socializing and meeting people) That's not to say that you can't meet people while doing errands or going about your daily activities- you can but the chances are slim.

Don't try to play aloof and cool, this is not only a turnoff but it can make the other guy think you're not interested. Instead be freindly and open, drop a few compliments.

Everyone likes a compliment and a smile anywhere they are. You can compliment someone on their speech, on their posture (this has happened to me numerous times), something you overheard, an item of clothing, a drink, a dish, or a book they're reading (see this all the time on public transportation).

Context of course matters about how you approach guys.

For example if you're on an architecture tour make a comment about the architecture of buildings, the event, the people, the tour guide, or the scenery. It gives the person a reason to agree, to joke, or make a sarcastic remark. Something to engage eachother and open the doors to a conversation. If they like you toss a flirtatious response their way. They'll most likely toss one back.

If you're at the supermarket ask about a new brand, ask if they can reach an item for you, ask which isle they found an item in their shopping cart from, ask about a vegetable you're not familiar with, etc.. This is a good way to not only approach someone but it teaches you a conversation starter can be as simple as almost any object.

What about if you're out at a bar? Alone? Well, ask someone what they're drinking and order it, compliment their phone (in this tech era everyone has their cellphone beside them at the ready to make or take a call), talk about the game on TV (if you're at a sportsbar), ask them if they went to your high school and tell them they remind you of someone from back then, etc... Have follow up comments ready to go if they are receptive of you. If they aren't interested be respectful and move on. Don't force anything.

[Sidenote: if you're looking for a long term relationship or want to date someone bars and clubs might not be the best locations to seek these kind of people out]

New in town? Ask for suggestions on finding a good dry cleaner, a bookstore, or a good contractor, a good restaurant. Tell them you've recently moved here and they might be more receptive to you since everyone knows how it feels to be new anywhere.

What about in a new class at school or college? While it's sometimes daunting to approach someone in a big lecture openers work in just about every class size.

Ask someone you're interested in if there was any homework last night, if you want to study together for the exam, what they think of the professor, just get the other person talking to you if you're shy by asking questions, getting their opinion about something or giving them a compliment. Remember compliments, opinions, and questions usually can draw people into conversation and engage them as long as they are done in a friendly, and respectful manner.

If someone is mutually attracted and interested in you it doesn't really matter what you say unless it's very offensive, rude or ridiculous. In fact, an introverted shy guy making the effort is considered cute by some of guys. Keep in mind everyone's shy to varying degrees when they approach someone they're interested in; even extroverts. ;)

Nonetheless, go a bit out of your comfort zone and approach a guy who's eye flirting with you because you might be glad you did. You'll be able to gauge them by not only what they say to your openers but how they respond and especially from their body language.

BTW, speaking of eye flirting I'll have a post on body language next time.

Coming out to Freinds

2010-08-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

Coming out to is a personal choice but sometimes you have to consider, in reality, whether people really care about your sexuality as much as you think they do. With all the people in the world (6.6 billion) sometimes gay men over estimate how much people will react or worse come up with worst case scenarios. To be honest those close to you already know your sexuality People can be very perceptive.

Once your become more honest with yourself and become more comfortable with yourself, you'll find everything else seems to fall into line. Delaying coming out can actually lead to a maladjusted lifestyle. A life of integrity and be true to yourself is better than one of deceit and hiding aspects of your life; aspects which almost everyone else publicly shares.

Finally, if someone doesn't like you because of your sexuality, it may be wise to get them out of your life or minimize contact with them. This doesn't mean disown your immediate family if they don't accept your sexuality but with 6.6 billion people on this planet, it's not healthy to keep toxic people in your life.

And for all the bi guys- come out to your friends. It's been considered cool and appealing ever since the early 90's.Come out when you're ready but the sooner the better.

Dan Savage: The Price of Admission

2010-08-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

Gay Marriage Legalized in Mexico

2010-08-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

Another nation to ad to the progressive list- Mexico. From seattlepi.com:

"MEXICO CITY -- Mexico's Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that all 31 states must recognize same-sex marriages performed in the capital, though its decision does not force those states to begin marrying gay couples in their territory.

In a 9-2 decision, the tribunal cited an article of the constitution requiring states to recognize legal contracts drawn up elsewhere.

It did not specify what degree of recognition must be granted to same-sex couples.
Mexico City's same-sex marriage law, enacted in March, extends to wedded gay couples the right to adopt children, to jointly apply for bank loans, to inherit wealth and to be covered by their spouses' insurance policies. Some of those may end up applying only in the capital.

The Supreme Court ruled last week that same-sex weddings are constitutional - though it is holding separate discussions this week on the adoption clause.

One of the justices, Sergio Aguirre, argued against adoptions by same-sex couples Tuesday, saying children might suffer discrimination as a result."

Meanwhile the GLBT community still waits in America for their rights...

Levi's Guy Swings Both Ways

2010-08-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

Just saw another gay ad on TV (in America? Yes, and on NBC too). It's the old Levi's ad that has apparently been airing for a couple of years now. The original version had a girl in it but this version targets GLBT community:

It's always good to see an increase in gay advertising on the major networks.

A Victory for GLBT Rights- Marriage Equality in California

2010-08-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

A major step for the gay rights movement in the US as the unconstitutional ban imposed by Prop 8 on gay marriage has been overturned. Gay marriage is allowed in California again. A major step (and delayed) step in the right direction for the nation.

100+ Years of Gay Couples: Part Two 1955-Present Day

2010-07-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

Here's part two celebrating 100 years of gay couples.

Unknown, 1956

San Fransisco, CA 1965

Chicago, IL 1968

Washington DC, Early 1970's

San Francisco CA, 1975

New York, NY 1977

New York, NY 1977

Philidelphia PA, 1978

New York, NY 1984

New Dehli India, 1986

Washington D.C. 1992

Berlin Germany, 1993

Buenos Aires, Argentina 1997

New York NY, 1998

Paris, France 2002

Toronto Canada, 2003

Boston, MA 2003

San Francisco CA 2004

New York NY, 2004

Paris, France 2005

Cape Cod MA, 2005

Dublin Ireland, 2005

London England, 2005

London England, 2005

China, 2006 (Rare set of a couple serving in the Chinese army)

Cologne Germany, 2006

Madison WI, 2006

Paris France, 2006

Tokyo Japan, 2007

Monterey CA, 2007

Berlin Germany, 2007

Rome Italy, 2007

Los Angeles CA 2007

London England, 2007

New York NY, 2008

San Francisco CA, 2008

(First lesbian couple to be married in California. Read the story at Towerload)

Venice, Italy, 2008

Los Angeles CA, 2008

(One of Hollywood's most beautiful couples, Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi)

New York NY, 2008

Milan Italy, 2008 (The 2000's is also the decade which saw acceptance of gay pro sports players)

Long Beach CA, 2008

Storbist Lithuania, 2009

Silver Lake CA, 2009

Mumbai India, 2009

Amsterdam The Netherlands, 2009

Salt Lake City, UT, 2009

Mexico City, Mexico, 2009

Lyon France, 2009

Rome Italy, 2009

London England, 2010

Manchester England, 2010 (the controversial photo of Gary Neville and Paul Scholes of Manchester United, still a great display of affection for pro sports figures)

San Diego, CA 2010

New York NY, 2010

Tarifa Spain, 2010

You Never Know

2010-06-18T22:26:00.003-07:00

Don't hate, don't discriminate and don't stereotype because you never know. More from glaad advertising

100+ Years of Gay Couples: Part One 1875-1955

2010-06-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

While browsing around I stumbled across some old photos of gay couples and have been able to find a few that go back as far as the 1875(!). This two part post is dedicated to the pioneers of the GLBT community who have made the world a more accepting place today and remind us that homosexuality has been around forever.All pictures have been found at Flickr and gaytwogether.com and are the property of their owners.

An adorable couple in love. England, 1875

Unknown location, 1880's

During the turn of the century there was a burst of gay activism sparked by the Women's Rights Movement

New York, 1900

Unknown early 1900's

Somewhere in Europe, 1906

New York, 1907

Unknown, 1912

Rare picture of a WWI couple, no DADT back then. England, sometime between 1914-1918

California, 1923

Wonderfully photogenic couple. Unknown, 1925

First gay granted legal rights to adopt children, Hollow Falls, VA late 1920's

The following images were found at andrejkoymasky.com

Couple in Posen, Germany. Mid 1920's

Berlin, Germany 1930

London, England 1932

Long Island, NY, 1941

Somewhere in America 1943

Somewhere in America, mid 1940's

(Same couple as above?) Somewhere in America, 1945

VJ Day, London, England, 1945 (a great gay version of this pic)

Beautiful couple. New England (Massachusetts or New Hampshire?),1948

Somewhere in America, Late 1940's

Bronx, New York, 1951

Yes it is

Unknown (America or Europe), 1950's

(Rare picture of lesbian couple from this era)

Hollywood California, 1950's

(Hollywood's least known couple during the time, Rock Hudson and Michael Butler)

Somewhere in America, 1954

Old Lyme, New York 1955

Caldwell, Idaho, 1955 (this ain't your typical Leave It to Beaver 1950's :)

Part II (1955- Present)

More coming up next time

All is Full of Love

2010-06-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

New Armani Exchange Ad reminds us of equality

The Science of Gaydar

2009-05-03T20:31:00.001-07:00

Does gaydar exist? I think so because I have seen mine at work in a few cases. Though is there a science to it?

Until now the scientists and social researchers have been trying to figure out how gay men can determine how is and isn't- or how anyone can determine someone's sexuality. New, interesting research has been conducted on that very premise.

Researcher's have studied the swirl of men's hair, the length of ringfingers among other physical traits and say these can be factors that determine someones sexual orientation. It's not always accurate as their are more nuanced factors ay work with gaydar. Still, a very interesting study with interesting results.

Eye Flirting and How Not to Come On too Strong

2009-04-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today I was on the subway and I noticed a guy around my age sitting across from me was giving me sultry looks. At first I was flattered as I had rushed onto the train and was a bit frazzled from running for the train, finding an available seat, not to mention tired after a long day at work- and he thought I was still flirting material. After a bit of back and forth eye flirting he got off.

I then realized his gaze was different than other guys who were eye flirting- it was longer and more intense. And he didn't seem to have a bag or seem to be coming from work. Was he cruising?

Quite possibly. His gazed seemed to give hookup vibes after I thought it over. I was a bit embarrassed at entertaining him as that's not what I'm after.

This is where coming on too strongly can work against you not in your favor. A general rule I use is looking quickly (one or two seconds) 3 times to see if he does the same. If noting happens after the third time I stop. I don't tend to look at someone on the street for too long either as that makes almost anyone uncomfortable, including myself (the setting where this happens also determines the appropriateness of eye flirting) Not to mention it can be creepy if you hold your gaze for too long and do it in the wrong manner at the wrong person.

Was that the subway an appropriate setting for this man to do that? Was he an expert at eye flirting or just looking for something else? (kinda of creepy if it's the latter on a crowded subway train) I don't know and probably never will, though it did give me some more useful experience.

Making of Me: John Barrowman Documentrary

2009-04-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

With the passage of gay marriage legalization in Iowa (yes Iowa) and Vermont I'm returning with a recovering spirit. More about that in another post.

I'm watching the documentary about John Barrowman's quest to scientifically prove people are born with their sexuality and disprove myths about "becoming" one thing or another.

It's an interesting documentary but there was one part that I don't really agree with. In one segment John goes to a home of a family to give an example of gender non-conformity in childern as a early sign of someone being born lesbian or gay (or bi).

He introduces us to a 12 year old boy who is very much into Care Bares, Barbie dolls and other stereotypically girl things. He make the point that gay men show signs of liking things that girls like at an early age and vice versa for lesbians. Though, what about gay men who were into cars as little boys and still are? What about the guys who didn't experience gender non-conformity? What about bisexuals? How are they supposed to "act."

I know he wasn't trying to stereotype but some viewers might think we're all "like that" and paint us with the same brush.

Anyway it's still a good documentary and worth a watch.

Iowa Makes History

2009-04-06T20:09:00.000-07:00

Iowa is allowing gay marriages. I thought it would be New York or New Jersey or another state in New England but Iowa??

Apparently so. This is one great step (and unexpected) in the gay right movement. Here's to hoping the other states will follow suit soon.

A snippet from the official documents of the ruling:

"In a unanimous decision, the Iowa Supreme Court
today held that the Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution.

The decision strikes the language from Iowa Code section 595.2 limiting civil
marriage to a man and a woman. It further directs that the remaining statutory
language be interpreted and applied in a manner allowing gay and lesbian
people full access to the institution of civil marriage."

Read about the historical ruling here and here.

Gaining Some Perspective on People: Part One

2009-02-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

With Valentines Day right around the corner I've been thinking about somethings related to people and dating that have brought me back to this blog.

Dealing with people can sometimes be hard for others but it is especially hard for some within the gay community. Thought processes get overridden by emotions and pretty soon all rational thought can go out the window when you are speaking with someone, are on a date or even just going about your day. Here's some things to you can do to get more perspective so you can bring yourself back to reality.

1. Stop Over Analyzing Everything

People love to draw quick, judgmental conclusions about other people. In psychology these conclusions are called heuristics. People will use the easiest path that involves the least amount of thought processing and especially rational thinking.

Did that guy look at you because he's likes you?
Is that gesture of kindness something deeper?
And of course is he gay?

That guy could be looking at you for a hundred or thousand different reasons, maybe they aren't even looking at you at all. Maybe they're looking at someone else.

That gesture of kindness could be just that- a gesture of kindness.

Are they gay? I don't know and neither do you so don't make any unrealistic assumptions or expect too much until you know the facts. Although, I hear some of my readers saying "you can just tell because some guys just looks gay." You can find more on the gay look here and I'll cover it in more depth later

That may be true to a slight degree, especially when you're looking at their face or eyes (more on that later also) but beyond that you can't really tell someone's sexuality by just looking at them- especially if you don't even know them.

You'll have a better chance finding gay guys online at dlist.com or where realistic opportunities exist, where you don't have to play guessing games- and dodge fists because some guy thinks you're looking to start a fight.

If you're on a date, go with the flow and turn off the critical thoughts and over analyzing. This will greatly inhibit your ability to listen to what your date is saying during your conversation.

2. People are mostly concerned with themselves than others

Coming out is a personal choice and it should be done on your own terms but if you are constantly paranoid or worried people will know or somehow find your your gay or bisexual then take comfort in the fact that most people are more concerned with who they are sleeping with than who you're sleeping with.

People are conceited by nature and go about their daily life thinking about themselves and their life. This isn't a bad thing and doesn't mean that they don't care about others or are mean but are busy with their own lives. Don't be too worried about being "gay acting" or "straight acting", just act like yourself. This is especially true in large cities.

Besides, it's the 21st century and many people close to you or who have known you can for awhile can tell (family and friends specifically) The least of someone's worries is what your sexuality is and if it is they need help. People who have problems with others really have a problem with themselves.

3. People are not good at memorizing things and people

This goes along with the rule above but people are bad at remembering people, events and things that they have encountered in just a day. At the end of the day they can't remember every single thing that has happened or every person they've seen on the street. (I sure cant', only a fraction of the day is retained in my head when I come home.)

Today people are boarded with visual and auditory stimuli- especially in large cities. So don't be so self conscious in public about checking out guys (just do it in a respectful manner, don't give the hookup look on the street) or being worried about what other people think of you- they probably aren't thinking of you and won't remember you ten minutes from now.

4. You're not the only lonely person on the planet

When we feel the most along we aren't. There are so many lonely people out there in the world it astounding. There are also so many great lonely gay guys out there it's almost sad- but presents a good opportunity if you're single and looking. You're not the only lonely one and there's no reason you should be lonely.

We'll have the next part of understanding others later.

Truth About Homophobia

2008-11-25T15:51:00.000-08:00

What many of us have come to believe as the truth, a clip from the documentary "Middle Sexes."

Straight Privilege?

2008-10-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

Is there such a thing as straight privilege? The following list is taken from an essay based on a book by Peggy McIntosh called White Privilege. Some people within the GLBT community think there's such a thing as Straight Privilege, you decide.

1. I am not identified — politically, socially, economically or otherwise — by my sexual orientation.
2. I do not have to fear that my family’s, friends’ or coworkers’ finding out about my sexual orientation will have emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual or economic consequences.
3. My sexual orientation is not used to exclude me from any profession or organization (e.g., teaching, the military, the Boy Scouts).
4. I am not accused of being deviant, warped, perverted or psychologically confused because of my sexual orientation.
5. I can go home from most meetings, classes and conversations without feeling excluded, attacked, ostracized, outnumbered, intimidated, stereotyped, dehumanized or feared because of my sexual orientation.
6. People don’t assume I know other heterosexuals just because they’re heterosexual.
7. People don’t ask me why I chose my sexual orientation, and they certainly don’t ask me why I chose to be open about it.
8. I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me for being heterosexual.
9. I am guaranteed to find sex education material for couples of my sexual orientation.
10. My masculinity or femininity is not challenged because of my sexual orientation.
11. When I talk about my heterosexuality in casual conversation, I will not be accused of pushing my sexual orientation onto others.
12. Whether I rent a movie or go to a theater, I can be sure I will have no trouble finding my sexual orientation represented accurately.
13. I am guaranteed to find people of my sexual orientation represented in the UW curriculum, faculty, administration and alumni.
14. I can walk in public holding my significant other’s hand and not have people stare, snicker — or worse.
15. My individual behavior does not reflect on people who identify as heterosexual.
16. In everyday conversation, the language used assumes my sexual orientation. That is, “sex” refers only to heterosexual sex; “family” refers only to one man, one woman and their children.
17. People do not assume I am sexually experienced because of my sexual orientation.
18. I did not grow up with games that ridiculed my sexual orientation (e.g., “fag tag,” or “smear the queer”).
19. My sexual orientation is not used as a synonym for “bad” or “stupid.”
20. People don’t assume I possess any mysterious means of identifying other heterosexuals (e.g., “straightdar”).
21. I don’t have to defend my sexual orientation.

"If you think this is just more fag whining (I’m accused of this each and every time I write about gay issues), then reread the last point and ask yourself what an opinion column pointing out the privileges heterosexuals enjoy by virtue of being heterosexual represents. Give up? It represents one more gay person being denied one of the many privileges straight people take for granted by having to justify his existence."

The Science of Gaydar?

2008-10-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

Is there a science to gaydar? A New York Magazine piece says there is.

Decide for yourself

Physcological Distress in the GLBT Commumity?

2008-10-07T17:59:00.001-07:00

In addition to having photos of hot guys we also have post that offer serious insight into real issues that effect our community.

There was a study posted that studied self esteem issues within the GLBT community that may help some going through what the article talks about. You can read the full study here.

More next time.

The Sensual Man?

2008-09-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

Can men be sensual and sexy?

You better believe it.

Water Gods

2008-09-21T09:44:00.001-07:00

The Truth About Homophobes?

2008-09-16T18:41:00.001-07:00

The truth is out there.

A Few Reasons Why It's Good to Be Gay

2008-09-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

1. The Male Essence

2. Jock/sporty Gays
(Yes gay jocks do actually exist)

3. Mesh Short for the sporty gay

(Like Crptonyte to me.) Any guy wearing them becomes instantly more attractive to me.

4. Eye flirting with guys on the street
This sometimes breaks stereotypes of the observer (If they know it's occurring) and it's a fun activity that can land you a great guy (that is if you have decent gaydar).

More next time

Put Your Gaydar to the Test

2008-09-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

Fine tune and test your gaydar with this interesting and fun test from OKCupid.

Gaydar Test

Half the test consists of women so for the bi guys and lesbians you can fine tune your girl gaydar (lesdar?) Is it just me or do both of the guys on some of the pages seem gay?

Finally, I'll end this update with some more guy eye candy:

Think he's gay or bi? God I hope so.

A Bit of Man Candy to Start Off

2008-09-07T19:12:00.000-07:00

We'll kick this off with a few eye candy pictures and we'll roll out the welcome wagon boys.

This is Jake, he'll be your orientation leader.

(Yes, that was a pun on words) More next time.

Welcome to Everyday Gay

2008-09-07T19:04:00.001-07:00

You can find my thoughts, rants, pictures, and male musings here. This blog is for the closeted gay man, the openly gay man, the stanch businessman who no one would suspect, the out and loud queen who you wouldn't be surprised, the boy next door types, jocks, nerds, old and young and everyone in between.

Gay, Bi, or whatever you identify as- welcome.