Quick Kick in the Pant's Guide to Finding Your Boyfriend in 2012

In the spirit of New Years and planning for the future I have a post about how you can meet your boyfriend you've been seeking - this year.

Below is a great post I came across at one of the forums that I frequently visit with a list of guidelines not only going out there and finding the guy who's searching for you but also how to get your life in shape, written in a kick in the pants tone.  I've included some notes in parenthesize. 

"Firstly, I've been in a relationship for 30 years now.

My first relationship didn't come along until I was 21. (This guy is a bit ahead of a lot of guys who don't or haven't even come out at 30 yet)

That did not stop me from having fun and working hard at finding the right guy. I hate to say it again, but a lot of the young (gay/bi guys) these days seem to think that a relationship is something on FacepageTwitterBook. It isn't. Many seem to think that a bf will fall from the sky into their lap. He won't. (Very true statement but online dating has it's merits and is good to cast the widest net to use alongside offline dating methods)

A lot of people think a relationship or having a bf is all about cuddling and hugging. If that is what you want, then I suggest getting a dog. In my case, I had no hesitation moving right to sex once there was a real connection. With both of my LTR's we ripped the sheets up the first date and our passion for each other and our sexual compatibility solidified the relationship.

(While different people have different rules about hooking up please note he isn't referring to hooking up- it's the how many dates should you go on before having sex rule he's referring to. Do what feel's best for you if there's chemistry. Seems like counter intuitive advice for building a long term relationship but a lot of people have gotten in great long term relationships where there was mutual attraction and they didn't wait)

If you are chronically depressed and in need of counseling or therapy, seek this out. And I will repeat the rest of this for you only one more time. A lot of it is the same as Palbert wrote so pay attention to us because we're older, with a lot of direct experience and seeing what friends have gone through as well.

1. Shut your computer off at 10pm. Get sleep. Otherwise, you are creating the garden where depression and anxiety flourish best.

2. Go outside. Get fresh air.

3. Meet people in coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants and social groups.

4. Join something positive. Like a study group or a group that shares some of your interests.

5. Volunteer for something. Make someone else's life better.

6. Give yourself a makeover and pay attention to your grooming and weight. And posture.

7. Get more exercise. Go to a gym. Go running. It improves your mood.

8. Give up all the junk food and MSG /hfcs garbage that is messing with your metabolism and probably contributing to your emotional crashes.

9. Read more books and become a more interested and interesting person.

10. Get over the jealousy thing right now. It isn't becoming. Just because others have found happiness isn't a reason to spend your time just being bitter and resentful of others.

If you think you are a bit broken, then use the upcoming year to set yourself right and delve into developing yourself. Rebuild yourself...

But do not waste your life looking for pity and attention because you are either too lazy or unwilling to jump out there and really live.

There is only a limited supply of sympathy for anyone who complains about their life but doesn't do anything to improve themselves or take some chances in finding love. Advice needs followup action"

There you have it, a kick in the pants, introspective guide to getting a boyfriend in 2012. Happy New Year all!

It's Time Ad

Just a quick update to pass along a moving and heartfelt advertisement for marriage equality.

I'm From Driftwood- Stories of LGBT Individuals and Couples

I just stumbled across a great channel on YouTube that I'd like to share with my reader's: http://www.youtube.com/user/ImFromDriftwood (and also, imfromdriftwood.com)

More next time.

Famous Gays Thorughout History

Gay's have been around since the dawn of man, perhaps even before then. I came across a list that sparked my curiosity, a list consisting of famous gay throughout history going all the way back to ancient Greek times

While many of the famous people on this list's sexuality cannot be verified it's still an interesting and very comprehensive lists of famous individuals most of whom may have been gay or bi (can't leave out the bi's)

Famous gay men throughout history

Under the Pink Carpet: List of 230 Openly Gay Actors

IMDB has complied a great list of nearly 230 openly gay actors which is worth a look, just to see if some of your favorites are on the list.

It's Here! Gay Dating Blueprint Finally Available

Finally the Gay Dating Blueprint has been launched!

This dating guide is for anyone who wants to go on their first gay date- but hasn't yet. If your dating confidence is lacking than not knowing what to say or do lowers your confidence and the lack of confidence stops you from even trying to date. But what if you knew how to approach guys you're interested in? What if you knew what to say? And what to do on the actual date?


The Blueprint Lays it Out for You
This step-by-step gay dating guide will show you the way. You need something that will show you how to get rid of that critical, negative thinking going on inside your head, how to improve your social skills and actually approach guys the "right" way.

Part One: Correct Your Dating Mindset 


Uncover the psychological barriers to a happy and successful dating life, discover some practical aspects of human nature that put your situation into perspective, get you over your fear of rejection, get rid of that negative voice inside your head, and bust common gay dating myths.

Part Two: Improve Your Social Skills 

See how to talk to almost any guy, become a body language expert, go inside a guys head to figure out what he want's (beside the obvious), understand the basics of men and the social dynamics in a dating context, learn multiple ways of meeting guys- online or off and see how to talk to guys that catch your eye- even if you're not out of the closet yet. Most important learn how to approach good looking guys the right way.



Part Three: The Actual Date

See 5 ways to get over nervousness and pre-date jitters right before the first date, how to make a shy guy feel more at ease on a date, how to improve your confidence before a date, and how to bring up the subject of sex for when you're both ready to take that step, plus links to more great advice, tips, videos and articles and links to helpful forum threads.


Donate any amount greater than $1 and Get the Gay Dating Blueprint

My Gay Dating Guide is Coming Soon

EDIT: The Gay Dating Guide has been released. Get it HERE now

I have finally finished writing my gay dating guide, called the Gay Dating Blueprint. After a bit of delay it is officially done and will be launched tomorrow! I've been getting emails asking when it would be available; now it is.

One reason I wrote the guide is because there weren't that many guides geared toward my generation of gay guys. Many guides are outdated or geared toward older guys. I wanted to find one with a fresh perspective, without all the cliches or stereotypes that would just give me practical, proactive gay dating advice.

So I wrote my own for myself initially but decided to share it with my readers. It will be up for download so be on the lookout for it.

I Love NY Pride Edition

Just across theses shirts over at Cafe Press celebrating pride (and possibly the passing of the gay marriage legislation in NY) Nice take on an iconic image. Link

New York Marriage Equality Bill Passes!

From the NY Times: 
"Lawmakers voted late Friday to legalize same-sex marriage, making New York the largest state where gay and lesbian couples will be able to wed and giving the national gay-rights movement new momentum from the state where it was born.
The marriage bill, whose fate was uncertain until moments before the vote, was approved 33 to 29 in a packed but hushed Senate chamber. Four members of the Republican majority joined all but one Democrat in the Senate in supporting the measure after an intense and emotional campaign aimed at the handful of lawmakers wrestling with a decision that divided their friends, their constituents and sometimes their own homes. 

With his position still undeclared, Senator Mark J. Grisanti, a Republican from Buffalo who had sought office promising to oppose same-sex marriage, told his colleagues he had agonized for months before concluding he had been wrong. 

“I apologize for those who feel offended,” Mr. Grisanti said, adding, “I cannot deny a person, a human being, a taxpayer, a worker, the people of my district and across this state, the State of New York, and those people who make this the great state that it is the same rights that I have with my wife.” 

Senate approval was the final hurdle for the same-sex marriage legislation, which was approved last week by the Assembly. Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo signed the measure at 11:55 p.m., and the law will go into effect in 30 days, meaning that same-sex couples could begin marrying in New York by late July."

 The gay marriage bill has finally passed the state senate. The religious right wing lunatics like that NOM have finally met their waterloo which was long overdue. This could greatly help the momentum in the marriage equality movement throughout the country.

 

 It is a great day to be a New Yorker, gay or straight. More next time.

Gay Dating Guide Coming Soon

Just a quick announcement, I'm creating a gay dating guide which should be ready by the end of this week. I've noticed a lack of down to earth dating guides that give step by step advice for gay men who are new to dating. And one that actually covers the dating process, not just hookups (that's fine if that's your thing but some guys want to actually date)

There's plenty of guides out there for straight people but not many good ones for us. This guide is for us, by us.

Be on the lookout for that.

Advice for the Shy Guy

I came across a quote that perfectly sums up approaching guys.

 "Meeting gay guys in your private life can be scary. It’s more vulnerable to be seen as you, not your job title. It’s not easy to put yourself out there. Outside of business, men have a lot of social barriers to break through to meet each other. Gay men have the help of strong attraction to assist them, but it can still be hard for us to break the ice. Approaching other gay men involves intense emotions, including anxiety and a sense of vulnerability." -Angelo Pezzote

Where Do You Meet Guys?

Coming Out Video

More promotion of my favorite gay Youtuber's. This time a great coming out story from Iamonlychasingchange:

Happy Naked Gay Boy Blog Video!

I'm not sure if my reader's are familiar with Erik (straightactinggaguy) from YouTube but I'm a fan of his videos. Ok, I'll admit it I've also had a bit of a crush on him for some time (can you blame me? :) If you haven't already, check out his YouTube channel. It's definitely worth a watch or two. 




Also, I haven't been posting as much as I'd like because I'm in the process of writing my gay dating ebook. There's a real lack of a good ebook that shows today's generation of gay abd bi guys the process of dating. It's about time. Be on the lookout for that in the near future.

More next time.

Gay Marriage Tipping Point

The debate over gay marriage won't be a debate in a couple of more years and for the first time this year more people than ever support gay marriage. According to Think Progress the amount of those who support gay marriage is increasing while the number of those who oppose it are declining.

It will be interesting to see how it plays out in the upcoming elections and what each candidate has to say about the right to marry.


More next time.

Best Looking Guys in Silicon Valley

Today I have a post with a unique list of the top hot guys we're not all too familiar with (or many of us anyway).

We are all familiar with the tech nerds and moguls of Silicon Valley who come to mind; Sergey and Larry, Bill and Steve. But there's some really hot or at least cute startup CEO's who are easy on the eyes and are this generation's equivalent to Steve and Bill.

Plus, hot geeky types are very in demand I've heard because beauty and brains make the perfect combo.

Here's my list the top good looking guys in Silicon Valley, all will not agree but I think we can all agree on number one:

1. Peter Cashmore

No he's not a model, although he probably was one to get through the startup phase. Pete blows all the other good looking tech guys out of the water.

First of all he's incredibly handsome (scratch that he's hot) and he even has "cash" in his last name- combined with "more". This Mashable CEO is very well... mashable. Business and pleasure don't mix but we think it just might with him. I like to think of him as Silicon's Valley's James Bond, cool tech gadgets, nice cars and a British accent too. A definite keeper.

2. Tim Ferris

Author, tech startup CEO, diet guru  and all around Mr. Do Everything comes in at number two.

Love him or hate him- he's cute. You gotta admit that. He tends to polarize people based on his first book, The 4 Hour Work Week.

But there's something about that smirky smile that makes you think if you saw him in a bar "This guy's might be a jerk but he's too dang cute to pass up and I know he know's how to say all the right things."

He hooked me with his look and his book.


3. Kevin Rose

You may know a little site Kevin created a couple of years ago called Digg. He nails the geek chic look perfectly.

Though, I still can't decide if he looks better with shaggy hair or his new shaven look, he's cute either way.













4. Matthew Inman

Theoatmeal.com is a wonderfully snarky website that also has a wonderfully good looking creator. He's the type of guy who is cynical yet charming enough to win you over because much of his cynical observations are true and funny.

Did I mention he's pretty dang cute too?





















5. Mark Zukerburg

Mark Zuckerburg? The evil genius who want's to steal everyone's "private" information?

Yes, I said it. Yes, the Mark Zukerburg, the founder of Facebook and the Bill Gates of our generation, is kind of on the cute side. No I'm not drunk.

He's grown on me and whatever you think of him, I think he's kind of cute in a certain geeky way. I think he looks better in person than in most photographs but there are some pretty good photos of him (like the one posted) that make you stop and go "hmmm.. you know what, he is kind of cute."


Agree or disagree let me know what you think.

The Adonis Factor

I came across an interesting film at a forum I frequent about that deals with body image in the gay community. It's a telling look into the psyche of buff guys or guys who want to mold their bodies into their "perfect" body.

I almost didn't watch the whole thing because I got really turned off by the men in the first 5 minutes of but if you're able to get past that you'll be able to tell what they're really saying.

You can view the whole documentary below after the jump:

Gay Video & Lesbian Movies - Logo: Fierce TV

Studying the Gay Stereotypes

OKCupid conducted a great study last year that I kept forgetting to make a post about. They wanted to test if some of the stereotypes hold water about the GLBT community or if they're just that- stereotypes.

The took data samples from the their 3.2 million users and crunched the numbers some of what they found was surprising, some was not so surprising.

The first thing they tested was the myth that gay guys are chasing after straight guys and are absolutely obsessed with them.

"We combed through over 4 million match searches, and found virtually no evidence of it:

Match Search Returns

• only 0.6% of gay men have ever searched for straight matches.
• only 0.1% of lesbians have ever searched for straight matches.
• only 0.13% of straight people's profile visitors are gay."

Despite what you read on forums, blogs and especially Craigslist gay guys aren't after straight guys. (I'm not going to get in the whole straight acting debate as that's a whole other post and a pandora's box.)

Then they tested out if gay men are more promiscuous than straight men. There's a lot of people who believe just because people are gay means they hookup more than polar opposite sexualities. Here's what OK Cupid found after combing through 4 million profiles where users reported the number of sex partners:

Median Reported Sex Partners

• straight men: 6
• gay men: 6
• straight women: 6
• gay women: 6

Even though the medians are all suspiciously 6 I believe gay men aren't any more promiscuous than straights. Humans- gay or straight- who are sexually active are going to have numerous sex partners. But the majority of people (gay or straight) are not going to be indiscriminately having sex with just anybody else. Being sexually active and being promiscuous are two different things.

Here's a graph of the above data:

Here's some surprising and interesting data. OK Cupid looked at same sex experience and attraction in self identified straight people to double check for bisexual/ curious leanings. Here's what they found for men: "As for straight men, a surprisingly high 13% have had a same-sex experience, and another 5% haven't yet but would like to."  

13% may not seem high but there are hundreds of millions of men in this nation (around 150 million currenlty) and when you take 13% of them you get nearly 20 million. That's a huge number- almost the size of the NYC metro population in fact.

As for women, well the graph speaks for itself:

Then, they looked at some really interesting data- where are all these curious guys in the country? They took the location in the profiles from these guys and gals and created a curious heat map of the US and Canada and here's what they found:

The geography of the bisexual/ curious guys is very interesting and surprising. First of all Canada is where they all are apparently but look at the Northwest. Washington state is the most curious/ bi state in America and it's not just because of all the open minded younger people in Seattle either- they're all over the state. And finally the Northeast which is not that surprising.

What is even more interesting is looking at the metro areas. San Francisco is obvious but the other cities aren't what you'd think. Madison, St.Louis, Austin, Phoenix, Las Vegas (what happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas), Pittsburgh, Salt Lake City, Kansas City, Columbus and Minneapolis. A large group of the cities are in the Midwest and plain states. 

You'd think New York and Miami would be bright red but apparently not according to the findings of the team at OK Cupid. It's interesting to think why this is. Possible because there's a large out GLBT population in New York and other major gay meccas so it's easier to be out and have outlets to explore your curiosity/ bisexuality. Maybe it's the presence of colleges there, a lot of curious/bi guys in college and the number of open minded guys on college campuses is increasing.

Interesting data nonetheless.

Despite what the south reported I'm sure there's more repressed curiosity going on down there than they're letting on, especially in Mississippi and Alabama.

The Photgraphy of Bruce Weber

Bruce Weber, better known as Abercrombie and Fitch's rock star photographer, has some great images that celebrate the male form in an artful, tasteful and sensual way.

I actually, don't think there's enough of this type of imagery in advertising that focuses on men because there's so much image (sexualization) of female models in ads and they are the main focal point in ads and America in general is less comfortable with bare skin in advertising than other countries, specifically Europe.

Whatever you think of the A&F brand here's some of my favorite Bruce Weber images:

Lot of Weber's images remind me of summer so this one is only fitting.

Weber himself is gay and that's why I think the A&F brand has become so popular with the GB community because these images tap right into our desires and play to our psyche. More on that later.

Leaning Towards the Davey Wavey Fan Club

I've recently discovered Davey Wavey on YouTube after looking up videos of how to add muscle mass (I know, I'm behind everyone else) and after going to his site I gotta say- he's a super cutie who's a clever online entrepreneur.

Now, I know a lot of people either love him or hate him (for the stupid reason of him being "stereotypical") but I kind of like him. He knows how to market his stuff and get himself out there. The no shirt videos grab your attention, and then you how good looking he is. But then you hear his message that he's telling you and think "this guy is smarter than he's letting on."

I'm more interested not in how to get six pack abs or what he did today but him as a person, even though his blog has some good insightful posts and he's managed to turn his site into a successful entrepreneurial brand. (Am I developing have a crush on him also?)

But reading how to tone up wouldn't hurt since I'm a skinny guy and would like to add a bit more muscle mass.

Love him or hate him I get the feeling he's a genuinely nice guy who's pretty dang sharp- and cute too. :)

Don't Be Afraid to Ask Someone Out

I came across a great post and thought I'd share it with my readers here. This is a great post of how something you're looking for can be right in front of you.

"So here's my story I knew a friend of mine that I had known for a long time eventually over the years our friendship turned into sexual attraction and we even dated once but unfortunately at the time I was leaving for a work contract in Dubai/Milan.

It really stunk because I had an amazing time! After a year I had returned and he'd moved to Toronto as well from London and while we both were busy settling down again we dint really date and soon enough started seeing other people

I kept bumping into him at random places and we always had a good time but dint think that either of us were interested more than friends.. this was until I kept thinking of the good times in my dreams subconsciously over long periods of time and i have no idea why.

finally it hit me I was starting to have regrets and was getting frustrated, so one morning I decided to take charge of my life and i directly went to him and asked him why the hell dint he ever date me again ever since I returned.. and that's when i found out he thought I wasn't interested in him and was flattered that i even thought of him and that he had thoughts about me too.. ugh why are guys so clueless sometimes!

I just dint want to have regrets so I thought going out of the way and embarrassing myself for a day was a better deal than regretting it all my life

so yeah I'm soooo glad I asked him out, feels a great load of my chest, it doesn't mean I have a great potential new boyfriend or anything because we're probably going to take it one step at a time and see how it goes but it sure does feel great knowing if i never asked out I'd be missing a lot in my life!"

The opportunities you don't take are the one's you regret the most. More next time.

YouTuber's to Follow

There are a bunch of great gay You Tube channels out there but there are two You Tuber's who (at least in my opinion) give out some great advice for the younger gay generation. Couver87 and Straightactinggayguy are two guy who's content I follow and respect. You can find a same of their videos below:

http://www.youtube.com/user/Couver87

http://www.youtube.com/user/StraightActingGayGuy

There are also these great YouTuber's to follow:

http://www.youtube.com/depfox

www.youtube.com/ExplorationB

www.youtube.com/big93scott

www.youtube.com/DrunkenLullaby52

www.youtube.com/nikdynamic

http://www.youtube.com/RolyunGashaa

www.youtube.com/xypowerpop

Have a great YouTube channel that you think that can help other gay and bi guys? Post it below in the comments section.